I CAN THINK OF NO OTHER HONOR GREATER THAN THAT OF BEING DAD
Of all of the things I have accomplished in my life, none has given me more satisfaction than being a father. Recently, I've become a grandfather. Many men feel the same way I do. However, fatherhood in our society have been devalued greatly over the past 40 years for a number of reasons. From time to time, I'll use this page to talk about what it means to be a Dad. Please feel free to contact JeffArtis.com to talk about your experiences of being a father. The more we can talk, the better fathers we will be, the more we can help other men become better fathers.
Take care, Jeff Artis, Publisher www.jeffartis.com COPYRIGHT, 2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
BE A MAN, BE A DAD
BEING DAD
As a father, now a grandfather, I know the most important thing I can do to insure the success of my child as an adult is to make sure my child gets a good education. That is my job. That is my responsibility. That is the bolder on my shoulders.
I want an Albert Einstein to be my child’s math teacher. I want a Charles Dickens to be my child’s English teacher. I want a Stephen Hawkins to be my child’s science teacher. I want a John Hope Franklin to be my child’s history teacher. This is what every father wants. This is what every parent wants. This is what every parent craves. However, if such a scenario were possible, it would be up to me as a father to make sure my child does what they need to do to make sure they get the full benefit of these wonderful teachers.
As a father, it is up to me to be judge, jury and executioner concerning school. It is up to me to make sure my child values education. It is up to me to make sure my child goes to school, goes to class, does their school work while in school, acts appropriately while in class and do their homework. It is up to me to go to parent/teacher conferences. It is up to me to make sure my child is on the path to graduate on time. It is up to me to make sure my child is not running the streets at night and is getting enough rest to do well in school the next day. It is my job to make sure my child is in bed on school nights by 9:00 in elementary school, 10:00 in middle school and 11:00 in high school. It is up to me to set the example for my child to make sure they get a good education by making sure the electricity stays on, food is in the refrigerator and clothes are on their backs while making sure my child understands D’s, F’s and bad behavior will not be tolerated under any circumstances.
As a father, it is my job to take care of any problem that exists between the school and my child. It is my job to make sure my child understands that if they are wrong in any way, shape or form, they will suffer consequences they don’t want to suffer.
The job of the school is to offer my child a quality education. My job as a father is to make sure my child takes advantage of every educational opportunity offered to them, whether my child wants to take advantage of that opportunity or not.
In an age when politicians are talking out of both sides of their mouths when it comes to the issue of quality education, talk show hosts who have never been in the classroom are suddenly experts on education and Americans think it is the job of the school to raise their children, my job as a father making sure my child gets a quality education has never been more important.
We can talk about fixing bad schools, getting rid of bad teachers, addressing the lack of school funding, poverty, innovations in education and anything else. Until fathers start being fathers again and taking a more active role in their child’s education, whatever we do to fix the problems in our schools will never be enough.
Too many fathers are AWOL when it comes to their role in education. Our children are paying a horrific price for these wanna-be fathers. Our nationwide high school drop-out rates are simply unacceptable, especially the national drop-out rate of 53% for Black males. Fathers, do your job. We are losing too many children. If a child fails to graduate from high school, it's Dad's fault.
BEING DAD
My grandson turns three-years-old next month. I have to admit that I never thought I’d enjoy being a grandfather as much as I do. Now that my daughter and my grandson are living with my wife and I, the entire experience is that much more enjoyable. I love hanging out with my grandson. I cannot wait to get home from work to spend time with him. I have no regrets about giving up my community activities and responsibilities to spend more time with my grandson and my family. I am having really fun.
Being a grandfather, like being a father, is not a right. It is a privilege. Children do not ask to come into this world. Children are a gift from God. As such, we have a responsibility to take care of them. Too many men are wanna-be men in this area. These men swear they love their children, especially their sons and grandsons.
Unfortunately, this so called love is nothing more than self centered, self serving, ego tripping; a lie some men tell to make themselves look good, a lie to make themselves look like a victim, a lie that leads to nothing but a pity party.
When you ask these men certain questions, you get are excuses for answers. Ask these men any of the following questions. Are you caught up in your child support? Are you helping with your child’s medical bills and health insurance? Are you using threats and intimidation to get your way with the mother of your child? Are you taking the mother of your child to court wasting the court’s time by making ridiculous accusations against her? Do you spend time with your child during the holidays? During your visitation time, do you spend quality time with your child or do you pawn your child off on relatives? When spending time your child, are you providing a positive environment? I could go on.
My job as a grandfather is simple. My job is to make sure my grandson has a positive role model to imitate as he grows older. Boys can never have too many positive role models, especially in an age when boys are bombarded with so many negative images of men, their wanna-be fathers and grandfathers included.
My grandson is special for another reason. God has given my family a second chance. My son died at 23 from a massive heart attack. Heart trouble runs on my wife’s side of the family. In many ways, my grandson reminds me of my son. The two are so much alike and look so much alike, that I have gained a greater appreciation of the time my son and I spent together before he died.
I simply adore my grandson. I enjoy being his personal jungle gym. I enjoy being his personal court jester and funny man. Most of all, I enjoy the time I spend with my grandson helping to make him into a real man. That‘s what grandfathers are for.
BEING DAD
I want to give you a challenge. I'd like to put out there is to challenge all men to become better fathers. In fact, I want to call 2011-2012, "The Year of The Father."
Pure and simple, we are losing our children. One of the reasons we are losing our children is because many of us have abdicated our role in being a father to these lost children. Somewhere, somehow, we have decided as men, that our lives are more important than the lives of our children. We have decided as men that our wants and needs are more important then the wants and needs of our children. This is wrong. As a consequence, when we look into the mirror and ask what is wrong with our children, quite often the answer is looking us in the face.
Children are a gift from God. They need to be treated as such. I have three children, one deceased. To be honest, there is nothing I wouldn't do for my children. I get after them when they are wrong. I support them up when they're right. I've done without so they can have. There have been times I've told them ,"No." We've shed our tears of joy. We've shed our tears of sorrow. We've had our fights and arguments. I've been wrong a few times in how I've handled things. Through it all, I love them and they love me. Most important, there's very little I would have done differently in raising my children.
I've often said that a man who doesn't take care of his children isn't worth a warm bucket of spit. Some say this is harsh. It isn't harsh at all. In this age of PC, we've forgotten about honesty. Given the current state of many of our children, honesty is something that is sorely needed in our society. Some men try to justify why they aren't the father they should be. However, there is no justification for not taking care of your children. I'll tell a man in a minute, "You made that child. You had fun making that child. Now take care of that child. After all, that child didn't ask to come into this world."
I'm tired of these men who claim to love their children, but, when the time comes to "take care" of their children, they are no where to be found. You can't truly love a child if that love doesn't come with financial support, proper guidance, putting aside your wants and needs for the needs of your child, emotional support for your partner regardless of whether you live together or not, or if you are a man who is still breast feeding at 21, letting your Momma run your life instead of being a real man and taking care of your business on your own. After all, Momma wasn't that bedroom when you made that baby. If she was then something is seriously wrong. These are all topics I will be discussing in the coming months.
I'll leave you with one thing. The primary goal of all Dads should be to want their children to become successful adults. For this to happen, children need three things. Children need love. Children need structure. Children need discipline. Children must receive love, structure and discipline in equal measure. Giving a child love, structure and discipline must start from day one. Too much of one and not enough of another is a recipe for problems on down the road.
Let me say one other thing. Dads, I'm going to tell you right now. The way you were raised as a child may not work in raising your child in today's society. For example, maybe you got whippins' as a child. That type of discipline may not work on your children today. Also, you must always remember that your child is not a carbon copy of you, especially if your child is a boy. What do I mean? You may have been a star football player in your youth. Maybe your son will grow up not interested in playing sports at all. You may not have gone to college. Maybe your son wants to be a college graduate. Sometimes to be a successful Dad, you've got to check your ego at the door. There's nothing wrong with that. If you think there's something wrong with checking your ego at the door when dealing with your children, there's noting wrong with your children. There's something wrong with you.
Again, I can think of no greater honor than being a Dad. Our children are gifts from God. They should be treated as such. Until next month. Take it easy.
